I don’t think I need to establish this publicly, but just in case, I’m a HUGE Taylor Swift fan. Not like creepy - just like casually listening to her entire discography on repeat most days kind of fan. Being a 24 year old white girl she is basically my spirit animal, (right? That’s a thing. It’s totally a thing) along with yoga pants and a jar of Nutella. That trifecta will basically solve all of your problems. Broken heart? Pre gaming a night of dancing? Dressing up like hipsters and making fun of your exes? Yep. Check, check, and check.
But here’s what drives me nuts, being the yoga pants wearing, wine drinking, cat owning, ugg loving, red lipstick fan girl that I am, there’s still like 20% of stuff in my life that I have a lot of feelings about, and Taylor has yet to sing about. So I have some proposals for her next album, ideas I’d like to see included.
Pea are Never Ever Getting Back Together - Sometimes at 24 you really have your shit together, and you pay all your bills, and put gas in the car, and even buy vegetables. You’ve pretty much mastered competency - so much so that you are even doing meal prep for the week (on a Friday!). Setting up the crock pot to cook chick peas for the week, and things pretty much couldn’t get any smoother. Fast forward to 24 hours later when you smell something burning in your kitchen, and the devastation sets in. You’ve left the chick peas on low for a full day and they are now blackened, dried out, shells of their former selves. You suddenly feel like nothing will ever go your way again and pour yourself a drink.
How you (don’t) Get The Girl - Online dating is a beast many of us millennials contend with. There are few frustrations greater in my life than exchanging a few well worded, intelligent messages, only to find that someone probably pulled a Cyrano on you. Conservative and economical with words online, in person he has word vomit worse than Cady Heron. Questions about your interested online? In person its all me me me me all the time. Despite your best efforts to put off an ice queen glare, the dude is practically dislocating his shoulder to reach his arm across the table to try to hold your hand, which is now firmly planted under your seat to avoid his. You end up home before 10 pm, in bed with your ironically named cat, wondering how you could have been more clear that you are not interested. This inconsequential dude with tell all his friends that you’re a heinous bitch for not being interested when you ignore all his texts, and you’ll die alone with your cat.
Should’ve Said No Thanks - when you agree to go out with friends, despite the gut feeling that 10 hours of CSI: Miami in your bed would have been a better choice.You either end up in a massive group of couples or people who are more chronically single than you are, and you can only take so much of it before you’re positive that Golden Girls marathon would have been significantly more life affirming. You also become more convinced that Carrie Bradshaw nailed it when she said “Maybe girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just there to have fun with.” Then you get sad that your best friends live no where near you and spend all night drunkenly snapchatting videos to said best friends telling them how much you love them.
Two Is Better Than One - this ode to cupcakes and glasses of wine, celebrates what we all know to be true, few people will be there for you as consistently as Three Buck Chuck and $1.99 slices of grocery store sheet cake. Skip the glass and drink straight from the bottle - cause who are you kidding, two is always better than one.
24 - Not as you might expect, a ballad about the time she dated Jack Bauer. Instead let's talk about how 2 years later the world looks significantly less exciting than 22 - you're no longer a relatively responsibility free college senior, you now have bills, and a cat. It never feels like a good night to dress up like hipsters - it generally feels like a good night to catch up on Forensic Files marathon. You can no longer ditch the whole scene to dream instead of sleep, you have a job that you have to go to every day and you need sleep for that damnit. Boys no longer look like bad news, just a series of disappointing dates. Not quite the pop anthem we wanted, just the does of reality we're living.
24 - Not as you might expect, a ballad about the time she dated Jack Bauer. Instead let's talk about how 2 years later the world looks significantly less exciting than 22 - you're no longer a relatively responsibility free college senior, you now have bills, and a cat. It never feels like a good night to dress up like hipsters - it generally feels like a good night to catch up on Forensic Files marathon. You can no longer ditch the whole scene to dream instead of sleep, you have a job that you have to go to every day and you need sleep for that damnit. Boys no longer look like bad news, just a series of disappointing dates. Not quite the pop anthem we wanted, just the does of reality we're living.
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