Most schools want a 500 word essay on why you want to go into their program, and I don’t have the energy for institutional game playing or the interest in gushing about what I think they want to hear; so I’ve decided to write some honest personal statements.
“My desire to return to graduate school stems from a deep desire to retreat from the real world as much as humanely possible. Working a 9 to 5 desk job has been a soul sucking, mind numbing, and spirit murdering endeavor. I am convinced I will never find a job I enjoy, and the one small beacon of hope is this program. That being said, I am assured even with this degree I will still hate my job, and be coupled with crippling student debt. Yet here I am, willing to pay tuition and fees and apply my degree in a relevant field. Perhaps I will even apply said degree to achieve moderate local success, and I will plug your program as “life changing, personally challenging and a wonderful foundation for getting where I am.” Is that what you want me to say in this box?”
“Just like everyone else writing one of these, I too have a desire to change the world. You’ll even note I made an attempt at that my first year out of college. However, as you will also note my time teaching in the inner city was a complete and total failure. This time before I attempt to change the world I would love to have even a modicum of relevant training before being thrown to the wolves. My research indicates that your 2 year degree plan would more than provide me with tools, knowledge, and resources to actually, you know, be successful in any future world changing endeavors.”
“I am entirely bored out of mind at my job. To get a job in a field where I hope I won’t be bored out of my mind, I am told I need this degree and several years of relevant experience. Please let me in, my cat is so incredibly bored of arguing about policy issues with me. I think he might leave if I don’t find a more productive outlet for it.”
“I actually enjoyed reading microfilm of the congressional record concerning education policy in the US. As a member of what I’m sure is an unbelievably exclusive club here, I’m looking to make this into a career. Library science requires I keep far too quiet so, here I am.”
“I work in enrollment, I hear people tell me 500 times a day they want to go into teaching because they love kids. I promise you, I’m not here to go into policy because I love politicians, or constituents. I’ll be totally transparent here, and say I have every intention of climbing whatever ranks I can to enact as much iron clad policy that aligns with my personal position as possible. Acting in the spirit of my personal political hero, Alexander Hamilton, I seek to build a quasi-monarchical but still democratic system. Give a girl a boost onto that first rung?”
“Oddly enough the internet is flooded with seemingly witty tech savvy bloggers who think they have something original to say about popular culture. Saturated markets don’t make a great opportunity for another mildly amusing, neurotic, Carrie Bradshaw/Lena Dunham wanna be. However, I hear very few 20 something women of this persuasion want to go into politics, niche market anyone? I really don’t think Monica Lewinski used her position to anyone's advantage. I plan to use mine much more resourcefully.”
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ReplyDeleteAll types of university application personal statement including graduate school students stems from a deep desire to retreat from the real world as much as humanely possible.
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