Ready Player One - Ernest Cline

I have to admit, reading Ready Player One, was a new experience for me. A very niche subject matter - 80’s pop culture, mostly video games - with a post-apocalyptic flavor and a twist of expected teen romance; it was predictable enough to keep from tearing through it at light speed for plot alone, but interesting enough to keep me reading through some severely slow moving and self pitying stretches. Not sure I liked it enough to keep it up, but too intrigued to put it away for good, it played out a lot like an over eager date - there’s nothing overtly wrong with the dude, but do you really wanna go on date number 3? In either case, nosy neighbor that I am the answer is yes. Unlike going on that 3rd date, I think the payoff here was worth it. (Much less guilt plays out in the end).

The first date is great - not spectacular mind you, but conversation keeps up and despite it all you find yourself excited about it. Even walking away from it, you know definitely nailed it, and he thinks you’re great. Despite it all, something is nagging at you. You have enough in common but you can’t shake the uncertainty . It’s exciting to bust out of a rut, to be free of sad whiny teenagers who won’t talk about their feelings. Right away Cline’s set up feels just like this. A slow build that pulls you in out of curiosity for what's to come, rather than having hooked you already. You even stay a half an hour later than planned - the dishes can wait another day. While not the first thing on your mind, the idea of a second date hangs in the back of your mind, giving you reason to smile throughout your work day.

Getting into the puzzle that the book presents is date two. Pleasantries and “oh what did you major in?” are out of the way, so you can get down to what is really important things - as in did he just catch that Clueless reference? Or “oh you don’t like 30 Rock? hmmm.” You can’t really put your finger on anything wrong, in fact stepping back everything looks great in perspective. The book introduces elements of romance, a really good bad guy, a quest, suspense, and obviously all the 80’s trivia a girl could hope for. I could not shake the feeling while reading that I was missing something though, beyond just the video game references.
Despite that feeling you keep going until you taper off at a point where the going gets slow. The electricity you though might be there is less the humming of a bug zapper and more the sad sparks of a dying, slightly damp firework. Cline has a lot of these moments (Just like date two. More of a fizzle than a bang. Actually.) where the going feels like quicksand. The action is well written enough that it certainly wasn't enough to stop me from reading, but my enjoyment of the book felt somehow retrained.

Date three is the big one. The point where things pick back up, or you find yourself alone sharing a low fat yogurt with your cat for dinner on a Saturday. (Boots says: One one paw I want the whole yogurt to myself, on the other I don’t want to share my hooman. LIFE IS SO HARD. I think I’ll just settle for chewing on someones toes). Gearing up for the end of Cline’s book was enjoyable enough - most of the loose ends are knotted up neatly (no thanks to you, Boots). Friendships re-bonded, battles won, grail quest wrapped up, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. Up through dates 1 and 2 things feel slightly unpredictable. Nothing was going terribly awry, yet nothing was going spectacularly well. Back on the date, everything finds itself on an even keel, which compared to the chaos of the rest of your life, is pretty enjoyable. Until you realize you are stuck and always will be stuck at an even keel. Cline’s book plateaus in the last third - becoming easily predictable, as if coasting on an even track, whereas the first 2/3rd really keep you slightly more on your toes. Thank god books end, and you don’t have to consider a 4th dates because lord knows I would be the whore of Babylon were that the case. I’m real book slut, I can barely stick to one I really love, let alone when it’s only getting a lukewarm reception.

It ends much as you would expect, as you've been suspecting, since the peak of the action. This book definitely left something to be desired - just like dates 4, 5, 6, etc. will if you end up on them, until you check out enough that he breaks it off with you. It is only after you google the book reviews over a glass of wine - or tell your girlfriends over brunch that its over, that you realize you were right all along. Until someone tells you that nagging instinct that something could be a lot better, it’s easy to settle into an even keel. That being said, this is a finite novel and not some guy you met on the internet. It was a nice change of pace from what I have been reading, with witty writing, and some pretty strong female characters.

Boots says: As much as I like to sink my teeth into a good book, I'm glad the human read this on a kindle. It means more room for me to smother mom, and a free hand to scratch my ears. It also means my fleshy servant eats and reads at the same time, which means less careful guarding to the dairy products.

The Spy Misteress - Jennifer Chiaverini

Readers, beware the “Buy 2 Get 1 Free” table at Barnes + Nobel. I know, I know, I feel it’s allure too - neat stacks of paperbacks, intriguing covers that call out “pick me! read me!,” and most irresistible of all getting that free book. The table is at its most dangerous when you don’t have a plan, when there is no goal, no target to be acquired. While you are just browsing it seems to inch its way right in front of you, offering a wide selection without overwhelming you like the shelves do. I am here to tell you it’s all a ruse. 30% of those books make the “Most hated High School reads” list, and the other 60% are there to be off loaded onto unsuspecting customers. They don’t live there because they are the most popular girl at the dance. These books are Anthony Michael Hall’s of the store - always the one left without a love interest, kinda cute if you squint, and usually a total saltine (plain, dry, and boring).

This is how I found myself dawdling through "The Spy Mistress." Nestled between the hits of 2004, and Catch 22, it’s subtitle “Inspired by a true story of civil war espionage” was enough to pull this history nerd in for the kill.

"The Spy Mistress" is The Other Boleyn Girl’s plain and humble stepsister. It has all the potential in the world to be full of suspense, steamy intrigue, and super hot civil war soldiers (Seriously, check  it   out). Instead it took cues from OJ’s “If I’d Done It” and detailed a very believable account of Elizabeth Van Lew’s involvement in espionage for the North during the Civil War. If you are a respectable person looking for a less boring version of an aside in your 11th grade history book; or someone who neither has 14 hours and the emotional fortitude to watch Ken Burns’ “The Civil War” I would recommend this book. As a character of ill repute, and someone looking for smutty intrigue this book was not what expected. I probably wouldn't read it again even if it were the only reading material available to me as prisoner of war in Fort Sumter.

Elizabeth Van Lew - a spinster in her 30s because her betrothed and true love died of some lameo virus like influenza or something - lives with her mother in Richmond. Initially outspoken, compassionate, and possessed of strong convictions and Union sympathies, I had high hopes that Elizabeth would be the hero I wanted. Alas, she is mostly a whiner, who happens to accomplish some pretty brave things. She and her mother live off her father's fortune left to them under the condition that the family slaves cannot be freed. The family slaves are described as deeply loving and devoted to their masters and perfectly content to stay - particularly when faced with Elizabeth’s many apologies for the conditions of the will. It is also oft mentioned that Elizabeth and her mother pay their slaves, there is no condition of the will preventing this, so they’re basically just servants, which is cool dudes. EXCEPT THAT IT IS NOT AT ALL.

Elizabeth carefully builds an underground network of Union sympathizers to get information in and out of Richmond. She uses the disregard for her station as a southern woman to charm and bribe her way into the local prison in order to exchange information with the Union soldiers being held prisoner. The Confederate officials, who are really due no kind light, are painted simply as exhausted and confused men. They are easily plied by Elizabeth’s pleas to treat the Union soldiers in the good faith that the good ladies of the North are doing the same for their boys. Essentially, without flat out saying so saying it, Chiaverini characterizes the Confederate men as compassionate foot soldiers who are just following orders. Many a valiant escape is organized by Van Lew and her underground spy network, which returns many a man back to Union soil. Somehow, though a foolproof method of transporting people North is devised, it seems to be used exclusively for white people. The only black people who show up in the novel are the slaves belonging to the Van Lew family, and as is said many times, they feel too much love and loyalty to even think of leaving. Again, it’s totally cool bros, the slaves are choosing this, so it’s okay. Their owners are just that nice, they want to stay and serve them forever.

Issues of historical lens and race aside, this book presents an interpretation of the few facts and sources of information we have regarding Elizabeth Van Lew, a real woman who took on crazy risks to support the Union, and has faced her own fair share of unflattering portrayal through the years. Chiaverini spends a lot of time in Van Lew’s head - lamenting the war and Confederate sympathies, planning an escape -  and plenty of quiet moments biding time in the Van Lew mansion. As a lover of history, particularly antebellum and Civil War America I made it through out of personal interest - rather than really loving the book. History nerds out there who enjoy reading with a critical lens, and soccer moms looking for a book club book read away. The rest of you should really just gird your emotional loins and sit down to watch Ken Burns’ The Civil War. It will take you roughly the same amount of time as trudging through this book and you will walk away a better educated person.